Masturbating is good for you!

Were you taught about masturbating growing up? Was it discussed as part of your sex education or was it totally ignored? Were your early experiences of self pleasure positive and enjoyable or were they tainted by feelings of shame or embarrassment?

Lots of the clients that I work with (particularly men) have tried to solve their sexual issues themselves via lots of googling. Most of them talk about needing to stop using porn, quit wanking and actively count down the number of days they have gone without as if this is a badge of honour. They talk a lot about "no fap".

Masturbating in itself is not bad. It's not shameful. It's not damaging.

Obviously if you are at it 24/7 then it will have implications for your physical and emotional health but realistically most people aren't in this category. Even for those who are masturbating LOADS the answer isn't to stop all self touch. It's much healthier to consider what the function of masturbation is (e.g. self soothing) and to look at alternative strategies and to have good quality sex therapy to help you to understand more about sex and your relationship with it.

So why is masturbation good for us?

Well, firstly it feels good and there's nowt wrong with that.

When we masturbate we learn exactly what we enjoy (and don't enjoy sexually) and we can translate this into our sex with other people

For those who have experienced trauma and sexual difficulties, figuring out how things work and why on your own first can be a much less stressful place than trying to work things out with a partner (or partners) present.

Orgasms are good for our physical and emotional health

It's also important to recognise that for some people, masturbating can get in the way of them enjoying a healthy sexual relationship with other people and that always relying on a certain type of stimulation (hand or toys) to orgasm can make it trickier to orgasm by other means (particularly when with someone else). Again this doesn't mean you need to STOP, rather it's about mixing things up.

If you are concerned about how much you masturbate or have any other niggles relating to sexual issues, your best bet is to consult a sex positive sex therapist who can help you talk about these issues in a safe, non-judgemental way. If you came to me for therapy ( www.drnicholamarchant.com) I cannot promise that I won't use hand gestures at times when talking about wanking as quite frankly I talk a lot with my hands!

I can promise however that I will help you to feel that you can talk about any sexual issues in a way that works for you and that helps you to know that having a healthy sex life is something you can achieve and that whatever your sexual interests you are not bad or disgusting or shameful.

Dr Nichola Marchant is a Chartered Clinical Psychologist and Sex Therapist working online. She specialises in all things sex and trauma related and often works with those who have strong feelings of shame drnicholamarchant@gmail.com

#sextherapist #sextherapy #sexpositive #healthysex #sexaddiction #pornaddiction #nofap #masturbation