EMDR Therapy for sexual issues

As an integrative Clinical Psychologist and therapist, I incorporate different therapies into my work to ensure that I tailor my approach to the client (s) that I am working with. One of my favourite therapies to use is Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing Therapy, commonly known as EMDR. I absolutely love EMDR for all things sex related!

EMDR focuses on reprocessing old, stuck memories, emotions, physical sensations and thoughts. Some therapies focus predominantly on one area eg THOUGHTS or EMOTIONS or PHYSICAL SENSATIONS whereas EMDR done correctly will target all of these areas. Different therapists use slightly different techniques for this with the common theme of what is known as "bi-lateral stimulation". This can mean moving eyes from left to right, listening to bleeps, using vibrating handsets or my favoured approach which is using tapping. The great thing about this is that we can use this really effective therapy during online sessions!

Anyway, back to using EMDR with sexual issues. Current sexual issues whatever they are will be connected to a negative core belief eg "I am a failure", "I am unloveable", "I am bad". They will also be connected to tricky emotions eg anxiety, shame, sadness, frustration and physical sensations eg butterflies, difficulties getting aroused, increased heart rate etc. They will also be clearly connected to a specific memory, for example a traumatic incident, feeling embarrassed the first time you had erection problems, the end of a relationship due to orgasm issues. Often they will be linked to repeating themes throughout life too (so the tricky thoughts and emotions will show up in other areas of life, not just sex).

We use EMDR in therapy to process the painful memories, reduce the distressing emotions and to re-programme the brain so that we know something positive about ourselves instead of clinging on to the negative core beliefs.

So for example, a man who comes for therapy to work on premature ejaculation may believe he is a failure and may experience high levels of anxiety and shame. During therapy we might trace this back to the first time he had intercourse where he was understandably nervous, came quickly and his then girlfriend poked fun at him. Within EMDR therapy we work together to make sense of the triggering event, to disperse the painful emotions and to create a positive cognition (thought) related to sex.

The beauty of EMDR is that once the original triggering incident has been processed (and this is often not even related to sex at all but is something earlier on in life that shares the same thoughts and feelings), and the worst incident has been processed (which is often sexual in nature) we can also use EMDR to address future fears too. So if someone is actively avoiding sexual experiences we can process the future anxiety to move them to a more confident, secure place sexually.

Another huge positive about EMDR is that memories do not need to be discussed in any detail at all so for those who are especially shame prone this can be extremely reassuring.

Now as with all things, EMDR isn't for everyone and it is as ever crucial that you find a therapist that suits you. Different therapists will inevitably approach EMDR slightly differently. My approach is as always, relatively laid back and focused around the therapeutic relationship I have with my client (s). I will also pop in aspects of other approaches alongside the EMDR as necessary. I have also used EMDR really effectively in couples therapy as it can really help people to understand their partner and to be better able to support them.

If EMDR appeals to you, feel free to drop me an email at drnicholamarchant@gmail.com to find out more.

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